The Perfect Child

by Lucinda Berry

I understood his sensitivity toward children. Neither of us had had it when we first married, but years of infertility problems had made us emotional about almost everything involving kids, especially young ones.

I’d come with a small teddy bear holding a heart in its paws.

Just read The Crash and there was a small teddy bear holding a heart… infertility common theme between both books

I knew what was expected of me with their questions.

Talking freely and open-endedly could result in me saying something I wasn’t supposed to.

everyone assumed Janie’s parents were the ones who hurt her.

It never crossed anyone’s mind that someone else might be in trouble. I wished it would’ve. Maybe then things would’ve ended differently.”

none of the regular rules applied to Janie.

She broke open the case.”

it was the closet in the back bedroom that had shocked everyone the most.

“There’s something really amazing about watching someone transform before your eyes. It’s like witnessing a small miracle. I don’t want you to miss it.”

“Trust me, I know how badly some of these cases can tug at your heart, but you have to be careful about getting too involved.”

Being an aunt was one of her favorite things in the world.

I didn’t want to put us in any danger.

we wanted our kids to grow up with the same innocent childhood we’d experienced.

I was glad we’d stuck with our plan rather than letting fear make the decision.

They were only polite and nice when you were doing something they liked or giving them something they wanted. I’d been fooled before. I wasn’t going to be fooled again.

“They’d officially diagnosed Janie with child abuse syndrome. People always assume sexual abuse is the worst kind of abuse that a child can endure, but it’s not. It doesn’t have the kind of lasting effects that you see in kids who’ve been severely neglected. Don’t get me wrong. Sexual abuse is terrible, but the type of neglect that Janie experienced? That affects brain development.”

the best way to fix yourself was to get your mind off your own problems and help someone else with theirs.

“Maybe she just doesn’t like us.”

“I had no idea it was going to be this hard. It’s not like people didn’t warn us, but I guess you really don’t know what it’s like to be a parent until you become one, huh?”

“It’s only going to keep getting better.”

Everyone always acted like I hadn’t warned them. I’d warned them plenty. They just hadn’t listened.

I hoped we could find our way back to feeling like we were on the same team.

“Children of trauma are experts at triangulation.” “Triangulation?” I asked. “The child will act a certain way with one parent and a different way with the other parent. They try all kinds of things to drive a wedge in the parents’ relationship.”

This case would haunt me in ways I would never forget.

And just like for other new parents, having a child had taken its toll on our marriage.

We’d snapped at each other more than we had in our entire decade together.

there was a certain amount of pride in having survived it together.

I’d trained myself a long time ago not to get excited. That was when you got hurt.

Nobody was that damaged. I refused to believe that.

I fell in love with my baby boy instantly, marveling at his perfection and that he’d lived inside me for so long. My feelings stemmed from the deepest parts of me. He wasn’t a stranger in my arms—it was like a missing piece of myself had been returned.

It’d be nice to have someone around who knew how to help.

I couldn’t stop the images. They all just felt so real.”

Perinatal anxiety disorder and panic disorder

“Postpartum pregnancy hormones are brutal, but you’ve got to be near the end of them,”

The ignornce

She crawled up on my lap and whispered in her sweet voice, “I like hurting people. Do you?”

I wasn’t willing to give up that easily. Not on something that was so important.

“I feel like such a failure as a mom,” I said through my tears.

I glared at him. He didn’t understand what I was going through.

“Sometimes the brain shuts down after trauma for a while.”

That wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, so it never gave me any cause for concern, at least not any more than it did every day when I left for work.

What if I never got her back?

It was one that only a new mother could write after she’d just fallen hopelessly in love with the life she had created.

Today I met the angels. I’m so glad they’re here. I’m not going to be able to do this without them. Their voices are so kind and soft. Not like the demon. Cole hears them too. He giggles when they whisper in his ear. I’m glad he likes them.

Posg partum psychosis

The images had played themselves out like unwanted movie clips. The harder I had tried to stop them, the more they had come.

most of it was like reading a story about someone else.

The shock had dulled over time, but it was still there.

“I have to protect my family,” she said. “But she’s your family.” “No, Christopher. She’s not. I didn’t adopt her—you did.”

He smiled up at me when I looked down, and I beamed back. I never got tired of looking into his sweet face.