The Perfect Child

by Lucinda Berry

No matter how many times I was questioned by the police, it never got easier. My nerves jumped into high gear automatically. They always made me feel like I was lying, even when I was telling the truth.

Why did the universe allow people who hurt kids to have them? Why couldn’t it give them to people like me, who wanted them?

It never crossed anyone’s mind that someone else might be in trouble. I wished it would’ve. Maybe then things would’ve ended differently.”

SOmeone else? WHo else culd havebeen in trouble

Of course Christopher’s tardiness wasn’t a big deal to her because her husband, Greg, was always late.

CPuldny be mww

“Janie isn’t a toddler—she’s actually six years old.” “What?” Allison said. “Seriously?” “How do you know that?” I asked. “No one has ever been sure about her age. Dan thought it’d be a perfect opportunity to measure all the gaps between her growth

Its giving the orphan

She grabbed his head and pulled it down to her mouth, cupping her hand around his ear so she could whisper into it. He nodded at whatever she was saying and then turned to me. “Why don’t we try this another time? I don’t think she’s ready.”

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didn’t help that it was with one of her least favorite nurses. I was determined to make our second visit better than our first. I spent hours at the bookstore thumbing through the latest children’s books. There were so many to choose from, and I had no idea what Janie liked. Was she into princesses?

“They’d officially diagnosed Janie with child abuse syndrome. People always assume sexual abuse is the worst kind of abuse that a child can endure, but it’s not. It doesn’t have the kind of lasting effects that you see

She understood you couldn’t go through what Janie went through and come out unscathed. She walked into the situation with her eyes open and ready for any of the challenges Janie presented.”

Of course itstraumatic and not golingto mergewel with new guardiabs

call from Piper that our application had been accepted and the judge had granted us temporary guardianship as Janie’s foster parents. She’d been in the hospital for six weeks, and

YAyyy new parens

“Thankfully, we don’t have to do this alone.” Janie went to so many different therapies each day I didn’t know how she had time for anything else. Each of them had given us a detailed summary of her care. “Rhonda told me she’s going to give us a bunch of sensory toys that she uses with kids who’ve been severely abused. She says they work great at helping them learn to self-soothe. She’s got stacks of other resources for us too. All kinds

Wowie no jaai is actingojt

so upset?” I shrugged. “We never really know what triggers her. Certain things are a given, like taking away her food or being told no, but most of the time we have no idea.”

Oh, and she’s decided she doesn’t want to wear clothes anymore. She scratches and claws at them like they’re burning her skin.

Oj okay

“What if I said we were thinking about becoming her permanent foster parents?”

made it through a full movie yet. “I’m ready to talk about adopting Janie again,” I said,

“But what about her emotional issues? We have no idea how child abuse syndrome plays out over time. Piper said her case is one of the worst that she’s ever seen.”

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I really thought someone was going to come after Janie again or do something to hurt you, I wouldn’t consider it, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve always believed the police are going to catch whoever did this to her and put them away. I still think that. They just haven’t found the person yet. That’s all.”

Foreshadowng?

“Really? This is so amazing! We’re finally going to be parents!”

Everyone was thrilled to have a little girl running through the house. It was so different than the boy energy we were used to from Caleb and Dylan.

Awww they are aklabig hapoy familu tju fa

wasn’t sure which was worse—being woken up by Janie’s bloodcurdling screams or her staring down silently while we slept, the anger radiating off her. I was convinced she was sleepwalking,

Atibt kut her trauma

Strangers commented on how well behaved and adorable she was. I flagged down our server for the check, not wanting to stay out too late since I knew my mom wouldn’t go to sleep until we were

Performative?

Christopher had left for his first day back at work two hours ago, and so far, Janie hadn’t spoken to me once. She was sitting at the coffee table in the living room coloring in one of her favorite coloring books, and anytime I tried to talk to or interact with her, she ignored me like she was deaf.

SHe dedibiyely does not like hannah

At what point did we stop giving in to her and start holding her accountable? I didn’t want her to think she could just ignore me like it was nothing and still get to go about her day like everything was fine, but I also didn’t want to sit in the house all day long with her stonewalling me at every turn. The day

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“That’s okay. Next time,” Janie said. “Bye-bye!” She waved at Meredith and scampered off, calling out to Violet and Brynn to join her on the swings.

So nice to strangerd

I told you that she’s mad about being left here with me while you go to work. She’s ignoring me to be mean.” He finally stopped what he was doing and

didn’t care what he thought—I was right on this one. She’d been awful to me on purpose today.

Ill say

“Parenting a traumatized child is horribly difficult. Most of them suffer from severe attachment issues, and mothers are usually the targets of their rage. It can get

She’d kept ignoring Hannah and walked into her room. “Wow, that’s harsh,” I had said. Hannah had handed me my cup of tea. “She’s been like that since Christopher went back to work. Ignores me completely. Talks to everyone else but me.”

We always tell families that it’s going to take about a year before things stabilize. Sometimes it takes even longer.”

They’re directed at her mother. Think about what we know about her mother . . .” She held up her fingers as she spoke. “She locked her in a trailer and never let her out. Not once. She tied her up with a leash like a dog and barely fed her. Didn’t

Does janie not like hnnah becaue sh erpreseted a mother adher bio mogtherabuse heror is she so attahedandobzessed eith chritopher tha sh is teyinto wedge hanna out and even haes hr in oite ofot

She associates women with mothers, and unfortunately, you happen to be in that role. All her anger and feelings toward her biological mother are directed at you.” She took a deep breath. “But that doesn’t make it any easier on you. It has to

Bingo

“You’re not crazy. She’s deliberately avoiding anything and everything that has to do with you.”

In her mind, the world isn’t a safe place, and mothers can’t be trusted. Think about it—usually when babies cry, they’re picked up or fed when they’re hungry. But Janie’s never had this. She doesn’t trust you, so she rejects you even though you’re

SHes rejjctib hannah bltantlydueto her pas trauma

“Janie needs to learn that the two of you are a unit and if she hurts Hannah, it hurts your feelings, too, because you care about Hannah as much as you do her.” Her voice reminded me of how she spoke to Janie—steady, never flying too high or sinking too low. “Children of trauma are experts at triangulation.”

They try all kinds of things to drive a wedge in the parents’ relationship.”

Yep to eroetedybamic

“What’s the point of going to therapy if you’re not going to do what the therapist suggests?”

know what you’re thinking, but it’s not true. They didn’t hurt her. She did it to herself. I believed them and not because I’m stupid. I saw Janie get so mad once that she chewed the flesh off her own finger. Not her fingernail. The actual flesh of her finger. So no, I never once considered that the Bauers had hurt her. I called an emergency meeting with them the next day because the social worker from the hospital had reported the incident. I—”

“It worked. Janie started talking to Hannah again.”

Hmm interesting

“No—Janie. She got herself kicked out of school on purpose.” I shook my head. “Please don’t start.” She snorted. “Start? C’mon, Christopher.

Yesss purpisely msvehaging

“Positive,” she said, smiling at her own joke.

Ph no is janiw goujng to vecome jealous

“I’m not trying to fight. It just bums me out how indifferent you are about the baby. You were so excited when we adopted Janie, and it’s been almost three weeks now, and you’ve barely said anything about the baby.” Her lips pulled into a frown. Much like her smile lit up her entire face, her frown darkened it in the same way.

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gripped her stomach protectively. “Unfortunately, this is where it gets tricky. Treatment is tough, and it’s not always effective. There’re lots of controversial treatments that exist, but sometimes I think they do more damage than they do good.”

fell in love with my baby boy instantly, marveling at his perfection and that he’d lived inside me for so long. My feelings stemmed from the deepest parts of me. He wasn’t a stranger in my arms—it was like a missing piece of myself had been returned.

Killing an animal was one thing. Killing people was another—sociopathic. Sociopaths didn’t have any feelings toward anyone, animals or otherwise, so Janie

The precipe tendebcy for sociopathy

“She’s not really our daughter.”

Oof

“Do you have any idea how much it cost to pay for all Janie’s therapy? Medical insurance didn’t pay for her psychological care, and her medical costs were thousands of dollars each month. So Christopher couldn’t lose his job.

I sat up straighter. “What do you mean by a residential facility?” “It’s a facility that provides care for emotionally disturbed youth like Janie. They’re therapeutic homes designed to provide a more structured environment for the kids to learn new skills. They’ll also keep them from harming themselves or someone

Ughhh truggered revolving doir trauma

it might be time to consider it as an option to stabilize her impulse control, and a residential facility would be a great place to try it. The doctors there would be able to monitor her medication and adjust as needed.”

center of the room surrounded by toys, her food smashed all around her, empty juice boxes and broken toys. Christopher turned to look at me, the reality registering on his face. “Do you leave her in here all day?”

“She’s evil. That’s what her grandmother said. Remember? She said we didn’t know how terrible she was. Did you ever think that’s why her mother had to lock her up like an animal? It’s because she is one!”

Jamie is settimh hang uo to look bad