Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill

by Matthieu Ricard

MUST WE SETTLE FOR BEING OURSELVES? Even so, some people think that in order to be really happy all we need do is learn to love ourselves as we are. This all depends on what is meant by “being ourselves.” Is it being on a perpetual seesaw between satisfaction and displeasure, calm and excitability, enthusiasm and apathy? Resigning ourselves to this way of thinking while letting our impulses and tendencies run rampant is the easy way out, a compromise, even a kind of surrender. Many formulas for happiness insist that by nature we are a blend of light and shadow and that we must learn to accept our faults along with our positive qualities. They claim that by giving up the fight against our own limitations we can resolve most of our inner conflicts and greet each day with confidence and ease. Setting our own natures free is the best way; muzzling them can only exacerbate our problems. If we have to choose, it is certainly better to live spontaneously than to spend our days champing at the bit, being bored to tears, or hating ourselves. But isn’t that just a way of wrapping our habits up in a pretty package? It may be true that “expressing ourselves,” giving free rein to our “natural” impulses, gives us momentary relief from our inner tensions, but we remain trapped in the endless circle of our usual habits. Such a lax attitude doesn’t solve any serious problems, since in being ordinarily oneself, one remains ordinary.