Romanov

by Nadine Brandes

“Because I have a story I was meant to live. And not even you can unwrite it.”

part of forgiveness was accepting the things someone had done—and the pain that came with that—and moving on with love.

“So . . . you will join me?” “At your command.” “No, at my request. I will not command you to leave your life and follow me.” “That is why I shall join you, young Tsar.” “Alexei.” Dochkin’s eyes twinkled. “Alexei.”

“What do you want, Zash?” He was quiet for a long time. “I want to love rightly.” That wasn’t what I’d expected to come out of his mouth. “All my life I was driven by the loyalty of caring for the people I loved. Caring for fellow herders, caring for Vira. I was taught that nothing was more important than such care. But your family showed me differently. You cared equally as much about those you loved—you would do anything for them. But you also allowed yourselves to love . . . more. You loved your enemies. You loved your friends. You loved the Bolsheviks enough to sacrifice an opportunity to escape.” My throat pinched the longer he talked. I never felt as though I’d loved well, but Papa certainly did. And Papa was our example. We all wanted to love how he loved. “Once I finally opened myself up to love like that, I found myself caring about you. And Alexei. And it’s changed who I am. I’m . . . a better person now, I think. I have a better frame of spirit.”