What We Talk About When We Talk about Rape

by Sohaila Abdulali

As Heather told me more and more details of her gang-rape and its aftermath, I heard something very familiar in her voice. I know it well, because I have it myself: a way of telling the story in a smooth arc, matter-of-factly, with intonation but no real emotion. It’s what we do to keep it slightly at arm’s length, and it’s a great coping mechanism. It is also rather curative—the more often we tell it, the more manageable it gets, because no matter how many details we share, we leave out the unbearable ones that nobody wants to hear. Finally we are left with a sanitized version, with the requisite sprinkling of horror, but nothing to make you too uncomfortable. And we are always making sure not to give you more than you can handle. We are protecting you.