I could stop somewhere just shy of feeling truly liberated and retreat back into my overthinking mind, inside my stupid head where I would remain, awkward and painfully self-aware. I was certain my self-consciousness was visible from outer space. Immediately afterward, when the show was over and we were off to the next town, I would be remorseful. I’d feel real shame. I’d replay the show in my memory and be tormented by mental images of me taking myself way too seriously. The self-loathing was constant.
