Emergency Contact

by Mary H.K. Choi

“Penny, you have to change your ringtone,” said Mallory. “I have, like, PTSD from Apex. It’s been my alarm all year. What psychopath uses Apex as their ringtone? It’s such an alarm.”

“Even so,” she said. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met. And my favorite.” “And you’re mine,” he said.

Hiding was not a coping mechanism. It was delusional. He had to let go.

Jude nodded, and despite the tears, she was smiling. “My therapist says I think everyone’s always mad at me. It’s equal parts my upbringing and my egocentrism.”

“Nobody knows anything,” said Jude. “But you know how Penny’s from a different planet?” Sam nodded. “So if you like that one, where the hell else are you going to find another one?”

Celeste sat back down. “I paid for all this.” She gestured toward the room. “I work hard to make sure that you have everything you ever need. I know I mess up all the time. I know you’re mad that it’s only the two of us, and I get mad about that too. You can think whatever you want about your dad skipping out on me, but you know what? He’s crazy for missing out on you. Because you’re the best. But you don’t get to hate me for it.”

“I know things are bad,” sobbed Celeste. “But you don’t get to punish me if you don’t tell me what I did, if you don’t tell me how to make it right.”

“You know you’re still alive, right?” Celeste said, clutching Penny’s shoulders. “That I kept you alive even when you were a baby and hadn’t yet developed these incredible instincts that you think saved you these past years and this magical computer brain of yours? It’s a team effort, Penny. It has been since the start.”

Celeste laughed. “I bet you have a lot of people,” she said. “You’ve got to understand that not everybody’s going to be exactly your kind of person. They’re not going to be completely satisfactory or meet your myriad qualifications.”

“And that’s okay. It’s good to have high standards. I worry because you hold yourself against these standards too. You’re way too hard on yourself. This analysis and thinking and plotting and figuring out, it’s stopping you from living your life. Just be, Penny. Don’t push people away.”

“I know I love someone when I can’t remember what they look like in any real way. I can never seem to recall whether they’re handsome or ugly or if other people think they’re cute. All I know is that when I’m not with them and I think about them, where their face should be is this big cloud of good feelings and affection.”

“Ugh,” said Penny. “That’s how you know? I thought you would have a comprehensive list or something.” Her mother laughed. “It doesn’t work that way at all,” she said. “It’s more this undeniable mood. It’s this warm, familiar, and exciting feeling where you miss them already when you’re with them.”

Mallory was right. Her mom needed to be milked. Penny had to stop working herself up thinking it was a bigger deal than it was.

Loving someone was traumatizing. You never knew what would happen to them out there in the world. Everything precious was also vulnerable.

Penny had to give her a chance. She had to let Celeste in. That’s how it worked.

“Hi,” Sam said back. “Is everything okay?” she asked him. He smiled. “Everything doesn’t have to be a crisis, Penny,” he said. Penny wasn’t so sure.

“I know I relied on you for an awful lot when we were basically strangers. It’s because I trusted you and I don’t trust a lot of people. I’m like you like that, real choosy with humans. I was going through a lot of

change and you were my emergency contact through all of it, even when I didn’t have a lot to give back. And it can’t have been a picnic, you know?”

“No, you haven’t,” she said. “You’ve been a real pal. I get a lot out of you. I trust you right back. You speak fluent me. I’ve got no complaints. I love . . . I like knowing that you exist. It doesn’t make me feel any less lonely, because life is lonely, but it makes me feel a lot less alone.”