“Let’s just say when I was little and my mom was out, I’d go to bed with a ketchup bottle.” “I already love this story so much. . . .” “It was a foolproof plan. If the bad guys came in I could douse myself and they wouldn’t kill me because I was already dead.” “Jesus, I can’t tell if that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard or the absolute most sad.” “Both?” “God, I keep picturing tiny you in the dark frantically hitting the fifty-seven on the Heinz bottle and it not coming out.”
