That Kind of Mother

by Rumaan Alam

“Fate is the laziest way to explain terrible things.”

you. You can’t disappear into motherhood. It’s not good for you. And I can see that’s what you’re doing. You’ve vanished.”

Admitting you can see what fate has in store exposes you to mockery as much as believing in the curative powers of crystals.

“The television has done something to us. To human beings. We can see so much, but maybe we weren’t made to see this much. Maybe it’s too much.”

“It wasn’t one of those big dramatic things. It was just—you’re one kind of person, years pass, you have a kid, you become a different kind of person. Then you look around and you’re not the one your husband fell in love with and maybe he’s not the person you fell in love with and it’s just like—what are we doing here?”

The boys, my work. My life. It’s selfish but I’m happy, and I don’t have it in me, maybe, to make him happy.

life has so many little disappointments, all these paths you never thought you’d take.”

Rebecca wanted everything. She wanted to be celebrated and she wanted not to be bothered. She wanted to be with her children and she wanted to be with her work. She wanted to be married and she wanted to be divorced. She wanted a man to want her and to fuck her and she wanted to be allowed to sleep in the center of the bed, all four pillows around her, a bulwark against the night. She wanted it all, and all was something impossible to possess.

her life hostage to their orbit.