There might not be any baby born if a parent were able to think ahead about everything, I said. Yet I wondered if that was true. Had I not for years been preparing myself for losing him, pre-living the pain, even? Why did you have children, he asked, if you knew this might happen? Even the least optimistic person wants to have some hope. Wouldn’t that be wishful thinking, the hope you talk about? Possibly. If you understand it as wishful thinking, why are you still sad then? Why, I said. Because preparing is not experiencing. Pre-living is not living. I will be sad today and tomorrow, a week
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