Cunk on Everything: The Encyclopedia Philomena

by Philomena Cunk

Sir Francis Bacon was one of the most all-round clever people who has ever lived. He did more different things than most of us can dream of. He was an English statesman, philosopher and Irish painter, who lived at the time of Elizabeth I and Elizabeth II. He not only became Lord Chancellor in 1618, but still found time to write one of the first science books in 1620, and, after a short rest, painted the painting Three Studies For Figures At The Base Of The Crucifixion in 1944. Some people believe he had a hand in writing Shakespeare’s plays, and his portrait of Lucien Freud, painted in 1969, when he was 408 years old and drunk, is one of the most expensive ever sold. He did so many things that he is one of the few historical English/Irish figures to require two completely different and contradictory Wikipedia pages.

hilarious

David Bowie could not only sing, he could also not act, and appeared in several films, playing the homesick alien title character in E.T., and a sort of Duran Duran fairy king in the family film Muppets Vs The Goblin Crotch. He even took over Christmas, singing a special carol with Bing Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, who’d forgotten the words, and being at the start of that cartoon about the snowman sometimes.

Trains use up less resources than other forms of transport because they tend to be cancelled, which is better for the planet. This means people can get on buses instead, and take up space on the roads, which encourages more people to leave their cars at home and get the train, which they can’t, because there isn’t one.

And once people moved into the cities, they came face-to-face with the reality of the metropolitan elite lifestyle: overcrowding, slums, workhouses, lack of sanitation, cholera and enormous hats.