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The view of my life where I had come ashore was not the same as the view from where I had set off. The world did not seem as safe as it once had, and the possibility of death or catastrophe seemed real, not distant things I didn’t need to worry about for the time being.
Okay, what’s the lesson? What good am I going to be able to suck out of this that’s going to grow me?’
high dread risk.
minimax regret.
it’s a delusion to think that we can avoid bad things happening to us.
somebody is always the one in the probability ratio, even when the odds are as remote as one in 1.39 billion.
life is both good and bad simultaneously,
somehow health and beauty and life are more authentic, more true, more real, than sickness and death and the rest of it.
There is going to be enormous wisdom and insight in the lived experience of others.
Twenty years on, it’s probably more like a surgical wound. You can see the scar. You’ve experienced a whole gamut of emotions but it sits okay.
you don’t know when things are going to change. Life is not promised today or tomorrow. It can all be gone.’
Two collective behaviours in particular attend every tragedy: an effort to bond with one another, and a drive to build something positive from what’s happened.
community recovery is innately tied to the free and collective expression of grief.
John Howard dealt with more Australian loss of life during his term in office than any other Australian prime minister outside of wartime.
he possesses a lengthening past and a shortening future.
The mistakes that niggle me most, though, relate to questionable decisions I’ve made in the process of gathering material for broadcast, due to the pressure of deadlines, my ambition to deliver a cracking story, or my own lack of maturity and compassion.
Their answers could be summed up in four words: humanity (don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re dealing with people, not characters in a story), empathy (try to understand what the person is going through and act accordingly), autonomy (allow the subject to lead the discussion), and respect (make allowances, give the person time and space, and above all, don’t be exploitative).
In Amanda’s thesis, she formulated guidelines too: be flexible with interview timing and location; empower interviewees to understand that they don’t have to answer every question they are asked; be scrupulously committed to accuracy; and give the interviewee emotional security – for example, by not interrupting them to ask questions.
They shared a love of the ridiculous and sometimes, late at night, they would scream so uncontrollably with laughter that a neighbour would ask the next day what had been so funny.
It’s just being present, it’s accompanying rather than helping. There is a deep truth in that, accompanying.’
I feel that I’ve been plunged into the truth of existence with all its contradictions and surprises.’
‘That in pain, there’s also joy. You can’t be in the presence of just one thought, that life is good, or life is bad, or life is sad. There’s all these things. And there are so many good people in the world, actually, so much kindness. It’s everywhere.’
It’s no simple thing to mentally and emotionally accommodate a life-changing blindside.
All of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, hold these ingrained beliefs, called schemas.
It feels as if everything about their story is contained in those grains of sand: the impermanence of life, the swiftness of change.
The pain is love. It’s just the manifestation of the sad side of losing someone, as opposed to them being with you.’
five distinct categories of likely personal transformation: increased inner strength, an openness to new possibilities, closer relationships, an enhanced appreciation for life, and a stronger sense of spirituality.
She has seen the lifeless faces of the young and the old, the rich and the poor, the beloved and the unmourned.
Grief is many things but it can also be purposeful.
‘Through my work, I’m getting a pretty incredible free lesson about how to live well, if I pay attention.’
‘Somehow we need to be aware that we’re mortal, that this time is finite,’ she says. ‘It’s knowing this is all going to end, so let’s make it matter.’
In the aftermath of something life-changing, it’s not one event that you must survive, it’s thousands of moments every day. It’s going to the supermarket and seeing everything you don’t need to buy anymore. It’s having to comfort people, fear etched on their faces, when they don’t know what to say to you because being you is the worst thing they could imagine. It’s waking up every morning and knowing that you will never again hear the sound of your little girls’ feet pattering down the hallway or feel their warm bodies squirming next to you in bed. To keep living life after such loss is not
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time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does give the tools to endure them.
the most valuable friends are the kind ones. They may not be the most sparkling guests at the dinner table or the most memorable makers of wedding speeches. But my god, they are the ones you want to sit with you at the worst of times. They are the ones who know the right things to say and do, because their hearts are empathetic. I’ve come to believe that amongst all the good human qualities, there is none greater than kindness.
The question of life being fair or unfair is one of the first things to drop away once you truly understand that you’re as vulnerable as the next person to life’s vagaries.
almost all of us are far more resilient than we could possibly imagine.
The Under Toad will always be lurking beneath the surface of life, I’m just not so afraid of him.
All I can tell you is that life is richer, kinder and safer than the news would have you believe. People are more decent. The things you think you wouldn’t be able to survive, you probably can. You will be okay. There’s really only one lesson to take from all of this and that is to be grateful for the ordinary days and to savour every last moment of them. They’re not so ordinary, really. Hindsight makes them quite magical.
