The first part of this dance of adaptation is to represent to the child a “wall of futility.” Sometimes this will be of our making, but most often it is made of the realities and limitations of everyday life: “Your sister said no,” “This won’t work,” “I can’t let you do that,” “There isn’t enough,” “That’s all for today,” “He didn’t invite you,” “She wasn’t interested in listening to you,” “Sally won the game,” “Grandma can’t come.” These realities need to be presented firmly so they do not become the issue.
