The hardest part for many parents is the shift in focus from behavior to relationship. Once the relationship has deteriorated, the behavior can become increasingly offensive and alarming. Under such circumstances we find it difficult to stop railing, cajoling, criticizing. To change the focus, we must first come to terms with the futility of addressing behavior and redirect ourselves to the task of restoring the relationship. Unless the shift is authentic, there will not be enough patience for the task at hand. Most of us know intuitively how to court, we just need to know that there is no
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