Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

by Gordon Neufeld

In some ways, less drastic but equally important to recognize, all parents may find themselves bailing out of the relationship from time to time, even if unwittingly. Making the relationship a priority involves doing some mending, especially when the emotional connection has been strained or severed. It is a rare parent who doesn’t lose it sometimes. Perfect equanimity is beyond us. No matter how much insight we have or how straight our priorities may be, we are bound to be triggered into emotionally uncontrolled reactions by our children—all but the saints among us, that is. Temporary breaks in the relationship are inevitable and are not in themselves harmful, unless they are frequent and severe. The real harm is inflicted when we neglect to re-collect our child, thus conveying that the relationship is not important to us or, alternatively, if we leave the impression that it is the child’s responsibility to restore the connection.