The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now

by Meg Jay

If you think that what Max was telling me sounds unusually traditional or maybe limited to a place like Virginia, think again. A 2015 study out of Boston surveyed more than 1,000 young adults, aged twenty-two to thirty-five, who were employed at one of five large, global corporations. The results pointed to a paradox among heterosexual couples that general sentiments about egalitarianism are not always backed up in day-to-day life, especially when children are involved. Of those surveyed, about one-third of new dads thought their partner should provide the majority of child care; like Max, they wanted traditional relationships in which they could focus more on work and their partners could focus more on the house and the kids. The other two-thirds of new dads said they wanted to share parenting equally with their partners, yet here’s the paradoxical part: Only half said this is what actually went on in their homes. (In defense of these new dads, just as women tend to be seen as the primary parents, men tend to be seen as the primary earners, leaving many males feeling extra pressure to focus on and succeed at work.)

oh this is sucks