Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Bolder

by Reshma Saujani

There’s a reason why we women feel and act this way. It has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with how we’ve been trained. As girls, we’re taught from a very young age to play it safe. To strive to get all A’s to please our parents and teachers. To be careful not to climb too high on the jungle gym so we don’t fall and get hurt. To sit quietly and obediently, to look pretty, to be agreeable so we will be liked. Well-meaning parents and teachers guide us toward activities we excel at so we can shine, and they steer us away from the ones we aren’t naturally good at to spare our feelings and grade point averages. Of course the intentions are good; no parent wants to see their daughter injured, disappointed, or discouraged. The bubble wrap in which we are cocooned comes with love and caring, so no one realizes how much it insulates us from taking risks and going after our dreams later in life.

When we relinquish the punishing need for perfection—or, rather, let go of the fear of not being perfect—we find freedom, joy, and all the other good stuff we want in life.

once you learn to be brave enough to stop worrying about pleasing everyone else and put yourself first (which you will!), that’s when you become the empowered author of your own life.

By being brave, not perfect, we get to create and live lives that don’t just look good but are authentically, joyfully, messily, and completely ours.

Bravery isn’t always about doing the biggest, boldest, baddest thing. Sometimes it’s braver to give yourself permission to be true to yourself by not doing something that is expected of you.

When we build our bravery muscles, we’re safe for real because we know we can handle whatever comes our way. Bravery doesn’t guarantee that everything will work out, just that we’ll be okay if it doesn’t.

we can’t be brave if we’re burned out.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know absolutely everything you need to know right now to do a job—whether it’s running a company or becoming a mom. Most people don’t.

“The work here isn’t to figure out why they didn’t like you, or who’s right and who’s wrong,” Rha told me. “It’s to practice being okay with the idea that there are some people who will get you and some people who won’t…and that’s fine.”

Start making it a habit to find examples of women who don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. It’s a powerful way to train your brain to focus less on what others think and more on who and what you want to be.

What are the things that are the highest value for me? What aligns with my purpose?

Studies show that women who are most proactive about making their achievements broadly known get ahead faster, make more money, and are happier overall with their careers.

It’s brave to reach for something out of your comfort zone, and even braver to let the world see (and commiserate or laugh along with you) when you fall flat on your face. By all means, share your successes, but also share the embarrassing oops and oh shit moments that got you there.

The point is to just take a deep breath and let people see the real you. You’re being brave by letting yourself be vulnerable and, because authenticity inspires authenticity in others, you’re paving the way for other women to be, too.