Before She Knew Him

by Peter Swanson

At home she listened to music through a streaming service, but she’d always had a CD player in her studio spaces, and all of her CDs—she hadn’t bought a new one in at least five years—were from an earlier time in her life, many from before Lloyd. That clunky five-disc player (it also had a cassette player) was like her own personal time machine. She might be growing older, and she did children’s illustrations now instead of her own art, but the music had stayed the same.

When you first drew that—or engraved it, or whatever you do—how did you feel? It didn’t exist until you drew it, right? You brought it into the world out of nothing. That’s what I do but in reverse. I take a living, breathing person, and I subtract him from the earth. When I’m done with him, he is entirely changed—the most changed a person can be—and that’s a monumental thing.