Pillow Thoughts II: Healing the Heart

by Courtney Peppernell

Love has no boundaries, no gender, love just exists.

You have every right to love your solitude Being alone doesn’t always mean you are lonely

I know you come with baggage, but so do I. I know you’re scared because of how others treated you. But as the sun rises and sets, I’m falling in love with all the things you do.

I know two people and they are in love. He is charming and tall, she is beautiful and strong. Together I wish them happiness, to last a lifetime that is long. I wish them all the good things in life that remind them to be humble and kind. I wish them success and adventures and to leave all their troubles behind. Dearest friends, may you today be man and wife and live with love for the rest of your life.

Sometimes the smallest details about a person are the biggest reasons why you love them

You are not more than I can handle. Even if you come with a suitcase full of insecurities, I will still want to know you. Even if there are days when you are crying and don’t believe in your worth, I will still want to hold you. I know you have struggled; so have I. I know that things are hard on you; me too. But it doesn’t change how big your heart is. I am old enough to make my own choices, and I choose you.

I just want to wear your t-shirts and wake up in your arms. I just want to kiss you over coffee and sleep in with you during rainstorms. I just want to hold your hand in the street without having to worry what people will think.

We aren’t perfect, we never will be. But I love talking to you, I love telling you how I feel and having you listen to me. And I love listening to you too. All your hopes and dreams and insecurities. Because when everything fades away and our age begins to show, all we will have left is to listen. And because I love the sound of your voice and the echoes of your soul, I will listen to you for the rest of your life. Your thoughts mirror my thoughts, together, two parts of a whole.

There are things we take for granted, like fresh laundry and a window to watch the sky. There are times we see loss and pain and we question why. But I will never apologize for leaning across the passenger seat to press my lips to yours. I will never apologize for telling the world that you are what is important in my life and in my eyes. I will never apologize for starting our days with good mornings and ending them with goodbyes. I will never apologize for all the memories that we share or the lyrics we poorly sing. I will never apologize for all this love I have to give. Because it’s yours and I love you more than anything.

You’ll Just Know You’ll see them in everything. Suddenly the sun reflecting off your windshield glows the same way as their smile. The supermarket reminds you of that Sunday morning they tried to make you pancakes and got flour all over the floor. The blanket at the foot of your bed suddenly becomes a substitute when they’re not there, and every single time, it’s not nearly warm enough. Their eyes become galaxies to get lost in. You think they’re the funniest, smartest, most beautiful person you have ever met. They drive you crazy in the best way. You’re always drunk on the thought of them. Suddenly their body becomes a map, a diagram, a place to create pathways with your own fingertips. You’ll treat this as a delicate rite of passage, as though someone is letting you touch gold. You’re an artist who wants to draw across their canvas. You’re an explorer who wants to discover all the places your body fits with theirs. Each hug feels like it’s not long enough. When they fold into you. When they hang off every word you say. You smell them everywhere. In your bedsheets, on your clothes, as soon as they walk into the room. They smell like pine oak in the spring, like firewood in the winter, like rain on a summer night. The way they look at you. The way they spell and say your name. You know their coffee order, you know what days they do laundry because they’ll call you to borrow clothes. You know their favorite color, what makes them laugh, what turns them on, what books they’l...

How many heartbreaks can you survive? All of them Because you are not merely skin and bones You are the light and wonder You are a joy to be known You are the castle a soul calls home

The night covers my tears, but my heart is still aching after all these years.

You must remember that you are human. Filled with thoughts and feelings that will make you ache until the pain feels it might stay. But it is not here to ruin you. The ache is here to remind you that you will survive, in anything you do.

I wear your sweaters when you’re at work all day because they smell like you. And when you come home and cannot find them it’s because I am hiding them. Always afraid I won’t have another to wear when I miss you.

Tell me, I want to know Tell me about the moments that made your hands shake, tell me about your first kiss and the person who made your heart break. Tell me what you love to do in your spare time, tell me about all the places you want to see, about your favorite books, songs, and flavors of tea. Tell me the thing that scares you most, tell me the moment you decided who you are. Tell me the colors that make you dizzy, tell me all the constellations you know. Tell me the things you hope for, the wishes you place on stars, tell me the candy that you like, the flowers that make you sigh. Tell me what makes you breathe, tell me and I’ll never say goodbye.

That’s happiness, when you make someone feel safe. You are their person. You are the reason they can talk about their deepest secrets. And in a world of constant shaming, you are the one who makes them feel brave to be themselves.

People like to talk about their passions. They like to tell you about the things that make them happy. And you can see the switch, the light that pours out of them when they are speaking of the things they love. Listen to someone when they are talking. Don’t shut them down or tell them that their passions don’t matter. It’s the simplest way to ruin another human being.

In your quest to be understood, don’t forget to show humility don’t lose your ability to be understanding

You can’t skip chapters, that’s not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don’t want to read, you will have moments when you don’t want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don’t miss out.

The world won’t always love you for who you are. There are too many bodies here. Too many perceptions of what is and isn’t beautiful. So here we are, with most of us uncomfortable in our own skin, wishing to be someone different. Thinking happiness only happens if you fit in. What to do when the world wants you to be prettier, skinnier, curvier, or have lighter or darker skin. You declare your own universe, bright and alive within your veins. You are the king or the queen, the one who makes the rules and ignores everyone who cannot see just how brilliant you are, made from atoms brighter than stars.

When someone says me too and you realize you are not alone That the things you have felt have been felt before and they will be felt again You ache, you doubt, you question, you cry You laugh, you love, and have faith in the sky me too

In our rib cage lies our heart Protected But people can reach inside and cause chaos When this happens remind yourself You are not a burden

Some people don’t deserve your love. They will take you for granted, toss you aside when it seems easier to be selfish. You need to be strong every time they come knocking. Don’t open the door.