A Curious Year in the Great Vivarium Experiment

by Tim Shields

I see how some of the most painful losses of my life served to uplift me and bring me closer to my light. Then I sense what has been holding me back my entire life. Like a boat towing a buoy through water, I have been tethered by fear: fear of my limits and fear of my boundlessness; fear of failure and fear of success; fear of my humanity and fear of my divinity; fear of living and fear of dying; paralyzing fear that at times kept me from moving in the direction of my dreams, suspending me in anxious states of disconnectedness, doubt, and despair. I sense how none of the obstacles that separated me from the dream came from outside of me; rather, they all came from within. It was not what was behind the veil that terrified me. It was not the uncertainty of tomorrow—it was my free will.