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November 21 - November 21, 2018
“I don’t need you to save me. I never needed you to fucking save me,”
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out before old feelings started to surface again, and I knew the minute they did, he’d be gone. And the cost would be so much larger next time.
I wanted to be nothing. I wanted to find my blank spot and stay there so that my chest didn’t feel like it was breaking open each time I inhaled.
It had always been Kate. My hands shook as the truth seeped into my pores. It had been her since I was just a stupid kid.
I couldn’t change the past, but hell if I didn’t want to be what Kate needed now.
For the past couple of nights when I’d lain down beside her, after she’d fallen asleep and I knew she couldn’t hear me, I’d promised her that she’d never have to forgive me again if she could do it one last time.
I’d pushed her aside for so long that there was no foundation to build on. Just a mess of shattered pieces that I’d crushed with a sledgehammer every time she’d grown closer than I was comfortable with.
I didn’t know how to be with someone like Kate. She’d demand more from me than anyone ever had before, and that was terrifying.
“I wouldn’t trade Iris for Rachel,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t trade Iris for anything.”
“I love you. I love our life. I don’t think I could go back,” he said hoarsely.