Naturally Tan

by Tan France

Then I started to realize that I needed longer, bigger hair. So I started to do something that was so unwise. I began to sport what I call “the Utah haircut,” which is tried and true and still walking around the streets of Utah today. This is how it goes: The back is spiked up, in fluffy little spikes like a baby chick. The front is sort of swept down across your face. The overall effect looks like you somehow swam to wherever you were going, but then got electrocuted on the way, but the electrocution somehow only affected the back portion of your head. Very much sexy. Very much flattering. Very much should never happen again. I sported this very ill-advised cut for years, until someone finally had the balls to tell me it was an American lesbian haircut. At the time, I didn’t want to out myself—and I certainly didn’t want to out myself as a lesbian—so I changed it.

Rob sometimes had trouble understanding English accents. During the ceremony, one of the lines was, “I promise to love and respect you always,” and Rob said, “I promise to love and respect your ways.” We all laughed so much at that one, because it sounded like he was saying he planned to respect my crazy South Asian ways.

My parents thought if we perfected our English and could sound as non-regional as possible, we would be better off. In England, if you have a very strong regional accent, people sometimes assume you’re not well educated. I saw value in sounding non-regional from a very young age, because your accent does hold some weight, especially in the UK job market. Now, the one question I get from English people more than any other is, “Where are you from?” because they can’t figure it out based on my accent. Whenever I hear this, I’m like, Well done, Tan.