Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

by Stephanie Wittels Wach

Ever since he told me he was an addict and forced me to stay quiet about it, I felt like someone had hijacked my brother and replaced him with a secret evil-twin version. He’d been lying about his drug habit for who knows how long before he told me. What else was he lying about? And who the fuck tells his sister he’s a drug addict three days before her wedding? An asshole. My real brother wasn’t an asshole. This guy was an asshole.

I hugged him tightly before he headed back to LA. Although I was stranded in my own canyon of sadness, it had been comforting to look up and see my brother sitting there with me over the last few days. I was relieved he was finally willing to take action and confident it would work. Harris was a golden boy. He could do anything.

I tell ya, I walk around this city now and I don’t know what is and what isn’t a banksy. That’s exactly what banksy wants. Vampires can’t die unless their heart is stopped. But like, same with humans? just havin some fun with thought experiments, iono It always kinda bums me out when I see a band play a show and none of them have on a wedding ring. If conservative idiots consider life to begin at conception, then why do they all celebrate their birthdays as the day they were born? I’ll never not be surprised at how far back the vagina is. Genuinely enjoy Keith and Harry Connick’s banter. Great guys with fun tudes. When a car starts going a little before the light turns green, Im like “oh shit they’ve been to this intersection before.” I like that move. I wonder what vibe I carry when I walk into a room. Lord I hope it’s chill. 2 legitimately 2 quitimately I’ll never be at 69 followers again. Wait! UNLESS I say the n-word a bunch of times and LOSE enough followers!… but is it worth it…? You hear about the fat guy who created a dramedy? He got an Emmy nom nom nom. Serious question: If you could suck your own dick, would you cum in your mouth? I think I’d try to finish on my tits. In trailers, I love when they cut right in the middle of someone saying “motherfucker.” Hell yea I’m gonna see it!

God, I wish you could be here to watch her grow. She’s so cool. And smart. And funny. She often prances around the house in a pink leotard with butterfly wings sewed onto the back and forces Mike and I to partake in endless rounds of “Ring Around the Rosie,” drowning in laughter every time we all fall down. She knows all her animal sounds and shapes and colors. She laser-focuses on any movie from start to finish—crying at the sad parts, laughing at the funny parts. Her sense of empathy is astounding. She makes an angry face and a happy face and a surprised face and a worried face on command. She’s wildly sensitive—a tiny tornado of feelings. She’s a force. And loving. So loving.