Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

by Stephanie Wittels Wach

“She’ll never know any different. And then she’ll get her hearing aids, and those will be normal, too. She’s not carrying a heavy burden. She’s just a chill baby who wants to be a baby. This is hard on you—not her.”

While the past few weeks have been—at times—chaotic, sad, stupefying, depressing, unrelenting, and unfortunate—in the big scheme of things they have been wonderful: we started our family in earnest and got one beautiful child whose future is much brighter than the din of our recent moods would suggest. It might be right to say that this is a real “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times” moment in our lives. And while it is hard, there is no one else I can imagine who I’d rather have these “worst of times” with; or best of times. In light of our recent hardships, I’ve decided to put my faith in lotto games to turn our luck around. Knowing how the past weeks have gone, there is a small chance I chose the scratcher game where you end up having to pay the lottery commission. Take caution. Love You, Husband

“Hey, if I die, you’ll be rich!” I told you it wasn’t funny. While we’re certainly not rich, we can now afford to look at houses in central Houston that are zoned to our first-choice elementary school. Ambivalent doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel.

You’re in everything, but your everythingness no longer makes me hit the ground. Rather, it brings an unfamiliar sense of peace and comfort.