Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

by Stephanie Wittels Wach

And it’s a sign that you’re still here. You’re in everything, but your everythingness no longer makes me hit the ground. Rather, it brings an unfamiliar sense of peace and comfort.

For the first time in my life, I have faith in something larger than myself: I have faith in the spirit of Harris. This sounds like something a defense attorney could use in a court of law as proof that a person has come undone. But I know that, for now, in order to get out of bed every morning, in order to put one foot in front of the other, I need to believe it’s true.

I notice that I’m two rows behind Mandy Patinkin. This is a huge deal, as I have an irrational crush on Mandy Patinkin. Not the young one—the current one. He basically looks like how I imagine Mike will look in thirty years so, really, I have a crush on an older version of my husband.

I think we’re all just doing our best to survive the inevitable pain and suffering that walks alongside us through life. Long ago, it was wild animals and deadly poxes and harsh terrain. I learned about it playing The Oregon Trail on an old IBM in my computer class in the fourth grade. The nature of the trail has changed, but we keep trekking along.

This is how it is now: equal parts joy and sorrow. Everything all at once.