Defenseless Hearts (Fumbled Futures #2)

by Meagan Brandy

God, I remember every second. I fell for the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy next door that night, but I was too stupid to know it.

try to study his facial features, but when he looks at me and gives a small smile, I can’t decipher where the sadness came from. Is it because Nate is here? Because Nate’s kissing Lolli, and Parker wants to be the one? Or could he possibly, maybe, be wondering what it would be like to have that feeling for himself?

I glance at Nate, finding him and Lolli in their own

world. He’s maneuvered himself, so he’s behind her, and she sits between his legs. One of his arms is on the outside of hers, caging her into him, as he eats around her with the other. Every few seconds, he runs his hand down her arm, brushes her fingers, whispers in her ear, something. Every single time, she smiles even though he can’t see it. But he knows because, after she does, he smirks to himself. They are completely and utterly entwined.

It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed. It reminds me of my parents and the love they share. But, watching my brother and his fiancé, you can’t simply see it. You’re forced to f...

“Exactly,” I say, and her eyes swing back to mine. “I

know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. You had a bad experience last time, and it left a little scar. You said you could never do it again. Well, I wanna show you that, yes, you can. We’re gonna take the bad and replace it. I wanna erase the bad with a good.”

She is, without a doubt, everything I could ever want. Kind and gentle but spunky with a splash of sass. She smiles with her heart and hurts with all she is. She’s more than I ever knew a person could be. She’s the light I’ve never known but now crave.

She reaches up to push my wet hair off my forehead, her eyes locking with mine. “You wanna take away the bad?” “Yeah, Kens,” I admit, my voice quieter than intended. “All of it. Any of it. Always.” She fights a grin, cutting her eyes to the side before sliding them back to me. “I might let you.” “You will.” A laugh bubbles out of her at that. “Oh, yeah?” I nod, my eyes leisurely shifting between hers. “Yeah. Maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually. Meanwhile, I’ll be around.”

Maybe because you never judge me, and you know everything about my fucked up life. Maybe because, when I get rocked on the field, you show up to make sure I’m all right. Or how you think of me on days you should be spending time with your own family, all because you know I don’t really have one of my own anymore. Because you share all of yourself with me. Your happy, sad, mad. You give me these things, do these things for me, because you want to. Because, even though you haven’t said it out loud, you like me on a deeper level than friendship calls for.”

“I’ll want you regardless,” I answer honestly, instantly,

and she stares with parted lips. “Always, Kenra. No matter what.”

“Go balls out. She doesn’t think she needs you. Make her. She knows she wants you. Show her what having you feels like. Be her hero, Parker.”

“If anyone could save her from herself, it would be you, but I can guarantee, it won’t be any kind of easy. I don’t know what’s happening or how bad it is, but I know those things for sure. And I know you. If you don’t do this, Parker, you’ll regret it. I can’t have that. I need you. She needs you.”

“Because I see you in her eyes, just like you saw Nate in mine.”

“Never be afraid of what you feel when you’re with me. I’ve got you.”

“I almost kissed you that night. Right after the movie. You were starting to fall asleep, so I covered you up. The moment I did, you crawled over and laid against me. It was almost too much—to

to hold you like that and not be able to truly hold you like it meant something.”

Parker watches it roll down my cheek. “But you have to know what it meant to me, Kens.” He glances up then. “Every time you’ve ever been in my arms, from four years ago to five minutes ago, every damn time … it means

something to me. You mean something to me.”

“I tried to wait you out. Hoped you’d give in to the things you wanted, but I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

“You want me; you always have. I know this. So, I’m sorry if it’ll be hard for you, but I’m going all in. No more holding back. I can’t make decisions for you, but I can’t live with the regret of never trying.”

“Close your eyes and feel. I’ll be just outside the door … waiting for you.”

Happiness is a choice.

“Sometimes, in order to win, we do things we don’t always agree with. Things we think are wrong. But, Hero, a good defense can only do so much against a solid offense. If you’ve only got one play left in you, give it all you’ve got. He doesn’t deserve your respect.”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” she whispers after a moment. “I fought myself that first year with Kellan, tried my hardest not to go to you at every turn but wanting to more than anything. I told myself you were my friend,

so I wasn’t doing anything wrong by spending time with you, but I could never convince myself enough to actually believe it. Even though you and I never did anything sexually, emotionally, I was cheating every day, all day, because you were all I thought about.”

“That’s why I let Kellan act the way he did. When he acted like an ass and broke up with me just so he could hook up with someone else for a night—not that he’d admit to that then—or just treat me like crap, I would tell myself I deserved it because, really, I’d picked fights for an excuse to leave just so I could come hang out with you. When morning came, he’d be there, waiting, telling me all the things I wanted to hear. That mixed with my own guilt for wanting someone else always decided for me, and I’d forgive him …” She trails off, taking a deep breath, making me hold mine. “Then, ...

“I knew deep down you’d be there, no matter what. It’s just who you were, but I couldn’t risk losing you.”

“But you did risk it, Kens. Every day, every time, every night. You were in his arms. In his bed.” “I know,” she cries softly. “And I regret every minute of it. You want the truth? I hate my life. Hate myself,” she admits.

“I can’t even think about any of that. It kills me. I start remembering the thoughts I had about her, the doubt I felt, and it fucking sickens me, man. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.” “You guys both made the wrong moves when you decided not to talk it out, both learned from it, and are stronger because of it. That’s how relationships work.”

“Why can’t you take them back? Why can’t you let me love you?”

“I’m sorry I can’t be who you deserve. I’m sorry I keep coming back,” I admit. “But, mostly … I’m sorry I ever left in the first place.”

“Don’t wish anything for me. Don’t do anything for me. Do it for you. Be happy for you. What I want, shit, what I need? Is to know that you’re happy.”

“I wanted to let you go, but I didn’t know how. I kept waiting, hoping the next time I looked into your eyes, you wouldn’t be staring at me the same way you always had. I thought maybe, because of Lolli, that time would be different. That you’d let go. I wanted you to look through me. Past me. I needed to forget you, Parker, and I couldn’t as long as you kept looking at me like I mattered, like I was worth more than I felt. But, when I looked into your eyes, everything was right there, all the things I was feeling—hurt and anger and pain, hope and love. It was staring back at me.” My voice cracks, and his arms tighten around me. “I knew the second you walked away that night … I never could.”

“You’re worth everything I have, Kens,” he whispers, and a small smile takes over my lips. “Everything I am is already yours; you just have to take

and hugs me tight against him. And I hold on, praying I’m stronger than I believe. Hoping I’m as strong as he thinks. And knowing damn well it doesn’t matter if I am or not because, at the end of it all … I can’t be me without him.

“I don’t think there is.” I bring my knees up, crossing my arms over them. “People will criticize us, Deaton and me. Say we don’t know what we’re doing. How stupid and young we are. Already, my mother tells me I don’t know what love is.” I shake my head, disgusted. “She’s the one who has no idea. And we might be young, but why does that have to mean it’s not real?”

“He makes me feel like I matter. Knows how to chase away the echoes of my mom’s voice when they get too loud even though he has his own problems to battle. Both our lives at home are empty, but together, we’re … everything just makes sense. He’s taught me so much about what love even is. He’s shown me how to love and trust in someone. I didn’t even believe in the word, let alone the emotion behind it, before he offered it to me.” I glance back at Lolli, waiting for judgment, but it never comes.

“You leave here; I break. You don’t come back; I shatter. You live unhappy, unloved, and underappreciated, and I fucking die inside, Kenra. Please. Don’t go.”

She’s full-on sobbing as she grabs her bag, refusing to meet my eyes as she steps past me for the door. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “But I changed my mind.” “I don’t believe that,” I croak, clearing my throat. “Not for a damn second, Kenra.” I step closer, until my chest is against her back, and she tenses before allowing her body to relax into mine. “I don’t believe you. There’s a reason. I don’t care what it is. Nothing is worth more to me than having you. Nothing.” I wrap my arms around her, closing my eyes as I hug her from behind. Payton’s words are fresh in my mind, so I lay it out there. “Tell me what’s going on and let me decide. Show me I’m worth it to you.”

Maybe I was never enough to begin with.

“That night in Mexico, when shit blew up in my face, you said to me, ‘He doesn’t get to do this to you.’ I heard you. Hear me, Hero. She does not get to do this to you.” I stare at my friend, my face softening. “I invited it, Lolli Bear. It’s just as much my fault.” “Why?” “Because I love her. Always have and always will. Can’t shake her. As long as she comes back, I’ll be here.” “You deserve better.” Her nose turns red as she fights tears.

“I met my wife freshman year of high school. I remember everything about that day—what she was wearing, the things she said, the way she smiled. Something told me, that very first day, that she was … special. One of a kind, built just for me.” He glances my way and then looks back to the small rock waterfall in front of us. “People thought we were crazy. Her daddy hated me for a long time, but we didn’t care. She was mine, and I was hers; nothing else mattered. We’d fight the world if we had to as long as, in the end, we had each other. And we did. Time and time again, we were tested, in many ways that not even Nate and Kenra know about, but we won.

Because we knew, without each other, we were only half of ourselves.” He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and looks off to the side. “We tried real hard to teach our kids to be the same. To love with everything they had and fight for all the things they wanted—love especially because, if you have someone to love, someone who loves you just as much, together, you can handle anything that comes your way.”

“I’ve loved her for years. Can’t stop and don’t want to. She’s the most selfless, big-hearted, beautiful woman I have ever known. She’s more than I deserve but all I want. She was there for me when no one else cared to be, heard me when no one else would. She gave me hope. Made me believe there was more when all I felt was emptiness.

“For years, we’ve been goin’ round and round with each other. The thing about that is, there’s no way out. We’re sealed together, running in circles with no end zone. She comes to me, I love her while I have her, comfort her as long as she lets me, and when she feels her strength is back, she leaves. I’ve tried not to let her back in ’cause, every time she goes, she takes more of me with her, but my heart’s defenseless when it comes to her. I can’t shake her. Can’t deny her. She’s inside me, and she ain’t going anywhere. Ever.”

“You did what you were meant to do; you saved her. You gave her back the hope she’d lost, gave her a reason to be strong.” She smiles softly, and my shoulders sag more. “If we had been pushed out, it wouldn’t have been for nothing. As far as we know, Kenra could have ended up doing a lot worse to herself than she already has if she had to stay. If we lost the ability to be a part of the team, it would have been from trying to save someone we care about. Never be sorry for that.”

I wanna be what he sees, the tough, beautiful girl he makes me feel I already am.

“I’m so sorry, Parker, for everything. For all