The Messy Middle: Finding Your Way Through the Hardest and Most Crucial Part of Any Bold Venture

by Scott Belsky

Feel the Anger If you’re seething with anger and disappointment, let yourself feel it. The emotion is real, and denying it keeps you angry or, even worse, leaks into other parts of your life. Remove Yourself The second phase is giving yourself space to get some perspective. Something went wrong, you’re angry and upset—but you also have one life to live. While you may feel the urge to jump back in and vindicate yourself, your brain—and judgment—will benefit from a context switch first. It can be hard to remove yourself from the situation you’re in, but when you take a time-out—perhaps a week abroad or simply a trip to the beach—you’ll wonder how you could have recovered without it. You’re free and you’re alive—don’t forget it. Dissect the Situation After the anger has subsided and you’ve put some distance between you and the instigating incident, it is time to dissect the situation with a sound mind and some perspective. What went down? Did you see it coming? Why or why not? Play back lines in your head: Who said what, and why? What other external factors were at play? Also ask your partner, spouse, or close friends for their perspective. Were they surprised? What do they think happened? This is the learning phase. You’re not trying to assign blame: You’re just trying to understand what happened. Think of yourself as an impartial detective pulling apart a crime scene to gather as much data as possible without coming to a conclusion too quickly. Acknowledge Your Role Once yo...