I learned that what was true of pain was true of most feelings. I didn’t have to just submit to them, I was actually central to their construction. I could build a story of sadness and read it to myself, or I could choose not to. I could choose to honestly examine whether I was using the loss as a tether for feelings I didn’t know how to part with. I could redefine my identity and claim my desired emotional state. I could choose not to feel guilty for not feeling everything all at once, at the precise moment it was expected of me, because the feelings would continue to come, for years. And
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