if such an intervention is to have any hope of success—indeed, any hope of not further poisoning the situation—it needs to be put into action with love, in a pure way that is not adulterated with judgement, vindictiveness or a tone of rejection. It requires clarity of purpose: Is my aim here to set my limits and to express my needs, or am I trying to change the other person? You may find it necessary, say, to tell your spouse or adult child about the negative way their actions affect you—not in order to control or blame them, only to communicate what you will accept and what you cannot and
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