In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

by Gabor Maté

It originates in a human being’s desperate attempt to solve a problem: the problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self. In short, it is a forlorn attempt to solve the problem of human pain. All drugs—and all behaviours of addiction, substance-dependent or not, whether to gambling, sex, the internet or cocaine—either soothe pain directly or distract from it. Hence my mantra: The first question is not “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?”

All parents do their best; only our best is limited by our own unresolved or unconscious trauma.

No society can understand itself without looking at its shadow side.

“I’m not afraid of dying,” a client told me. “Sometimes I’m more afraid of living.”

The question is never “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?” The research literature is unequivocal: most hard-core substance abusers come from abusive homes.

“Anyone who was tortured remains tortured … Anyone who has suffered torture never again will be able to be at ease in the world … Faith in humanity, already cracked by the first slap in the face, then demolished by torture, is never acquired again.”

If in doubt, ask yourself one simple question: given the harm you’re doing to yourself and others, are you willing to stop? If not, you’re addicted. And if you’re unable to renounce the behaviour or to keep your pledge when you do, you’re addicted.

The brains of mistreated children have been shown to be smaller than normal by 7 or 8 per cent, with below-average volumes in multiple brain areas, including the impulse-regulating prefrontal cortex; in the corpus callosum (CC), the bundle of white matter that connects and integrates the functioning of the two sides of the brain; and in several structures of the limbic or emotional apparatus, whose dysfunctions greatly increase vulnerability to addiction.

Addiction is always a poor substitute for love.

NO ORGANISM IN nature is separate from the system in which it lives, functions and dies, and no natural process can be understood in isolation from its physical and biological context. From an ecological perspective, the addiction process doesn’t happen accidentally, nor is it preprogrammed by heredity. It is a product of development in a certain context, and it continues to be maintained by factors in the environment. The ecological view sees addiction as a changeable and evolving dynamic that expresses a lifelong interaction with a person’s social and emotional surroundings and with his own internal psychological space.

The addict doesn’t engage in his habits out of a desire to betray or hurt anyone else but to escape his own distress. It’s a poor choice and an irresponsible one, but it is not directed at anyone else even if it does hurt others. A loving partner or friend may openly acknowledge his or her own pain around the behaviour, but the belief that somehow the addict’s actions deliberately betray or wound them only compounds the suffering.