My workaholism and compact disc shopping have been only the most consistent forms of escape my mind chooses when it’s uncomfortable. There have been other behaviours just as compulsive and just as impulsive. I see now that the underlying anxiety and sense of emptiness have been pervasive. Emotionally they take the shape of chronic, low-grade depression and irritability. On the thought level, they manifest as cynicism—the negative side of the healthy skepticism and independent thinking I’ve always valued. Behaviourally they mask themselves as hypomanic energy or as lethargy, as the constant
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