The less dope [heroin] I’m doing, the more stuff from the past surfaces. I don’t know how to handle my feelings. With rock I get triggered, more sensitive—incredibly sensitive—to unresolved things in my life. Things I’m hurt about become overwhelming, to the point where I go from being completely devastated to desperate to almost volcanic—it’s terrifying for me.” “So you’ve still been topping up your methadone with heroin. Why?” “Because I want that coma state, where I don’t feel anything.” Reflective, cogent, articulate, Celia speaks slowly, even formally, in her low, husky voice. A gap in
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