In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

by Gabor Maté

The mind and brain processes are the same in all addictions, no matter what form, as is the psycho-spiritual emptiness that resides at the core.

“I’m not going to ask you what you were addicted to,” I often say to people. “Nor when, nor for how long. Only, whatever your addictive focus; what did it offer you? What did you like about it? What, in the short term, did it give you that you craved or liked so much?” And universally, the answers are: “It helped me escape emotional pain; helped me deal with stress; gave me peace of mind, a sense of connection with others, a sense of control.”

There is only one universal addiction process. Its manifestations are multiple, from the gentler to the life-threatening, but in all addictions it utilizes the same brain circuits of pain relief, reward and motivation; it imposes the same psychological dynamics of shame and denial, the same behaviours of subterfuge and dishonesty. In all cases, it exacts the price of inner peace, harm to relationships, and diminished self-worth.

With all its festering problems, dysfunctions, diseases and crime, the Downtown Eastside offers the fresh air of truth, even if it’s the stripped, frayed truth of desperation. It holds up a mirror in which we all, as individual human beings and collectively as a society, may recognize ourselves. The fear, pain and longing we see are our own fear, pain and longing. Ours, too, are the beauty and compassion we witness here, the courage and the sheer determination to surmount suffering.

The question is never “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?”

“What happened to you is truly horrible. There is no other word for it and there is nothing I can say that comes even close to acknowledging just how terrible, how unfair it is for any being, any child to be forced to endure all that. But no matter what, I still don’t accept that things are hopeless for any human being. I believe there is a natural strength and innate perfection in everyone. Even though it’s covered up by all kinds of terrors and all kinds of scars, it’s there.”

In his book On Becoming a Person, the great American psychologist Carl Rogers described a warm, caring attitude, which he called unconditional positive regard because, he said, “it has no conditions of worth attached to it.” This is a caring, wrote Rogers, “[that] is not possessive, [that] demands no personal gratification. It is an atmosphere [that] simply demonstrates I care; not I care for you if you behave thus and so.”1

foolscap.

If in doubt, ask yourself one simple question: given the harm you’re doing to yourself and others, are you willing to stop? If not, you’re addicted. And if you’re unable to renounce the behaviour or to keep your pledge when you do, you’re addicted.

Addiction involves: compulsive engagement with the behaviour, a preoccupation with it; impaired control over the behaviour; persistence or relapse, despite evidence of harm; and dissatisfaction, irritability or intense craving when the object—be it a drug, activity or other goal—is not immediately available. Compulsion, impaired control, persistence, irritability, relapse and craving—these are the hallmarks of addiction—any addiction.

In short, the life-foundational opioid love/pleasure/pain relief apparatus provides the entry point for narcotic substances into our brains. The less effective our own internal chemical happiness system is, the more driven we are to seek joy or relief through drug-taking or through other compulsions we perceive as rewarding.

I believe that to pursue the American Dream is not only futile but self-destructive because ultimately it destroys everything and everyone involved with it. By definition it must, because it nurtures everything except those things that are important: integrity, ethics, truth, our very heart and soul. Why? The reason is simple: because Life/life is about giving, not getting. HUBERT SELBY JR. Requiem for a Dream (Preface, 2000)

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged,” a man of truth once said: For the judgments you give will be the judgments you will get, and the amount you measure out is the amount you will be given. Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How dare you say to your brother, “Let me take the splinter out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own? Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.

Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer. Along with our ability to feel our own pain go our best hopes for healing, dignity and love. What seems nonadaptive and self-harming in the present was, at some point in our lives, an adaptation to help us endure what we then had to go through. If people are addicted to self-soothing behaviours, it’s only because in their formative years they did not receive the soothing they needed. Such understanding helps delete toxic self-judgment on the past and supports responsibility for the now. Hence the need for compassionate self-inquiry.

Write down your values and intentions and, one more time, do so with conscious awareness. Envision yourself living with integrity, creative and present, being able to look people in the eye with compassion for them—and for yourself. The road to hell is not paved with good intentions. It is paved with lack of intention. Re-create. Are you afraid you will stumble? Of course you will: that’s called being a human being. And then you will take the four steps—plus one—again.