How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

by Donald J. Robertson

People often find it very irritating to be lectured about something they weren’t even aware they were doing. If you’re working alone, you will need to act as though another person is carefully observing you and imagine what they might see. Learning to catch things at an early stage makes it easier to derail the chain of behaviors that leads to the full desire or passion emerging. Raising awareness of the subtle elements of a behavior also makes it feel less automatic.

“You are just a thought and not at all the thing you claim to represent”—the thing itself having no intrinsic value. You might also adapt Epictetus and say “It’s not things that make us crave them but our judgments about things.”

For instance, when engaged in certain actions, such as bad habits of the kind we’ve been discussing, Marcus advised pausing and asking of each step: “Does death appear terrible because I would be deprived of this?” That gave him a way of isolating each part of a habit in turn and casting its value in question.17 For example, someone smoking a cigarette might ask with each puff whether losing that sensation would really be the end of the world. Someone compulsively checking social media might stop and ask if not reading each individual notification would really be so unbearable. If you practice self-awareness in this way, you’ll often (but not always) realize that the pleasure you obtain from such habits is actually much less than you previously assumed.

He summed up his practical advice by telling his students to respond to troubling events or unpleasant sensations by literally saying This is nothing to me. This perhaps overstates things. Stoics can still “prefer” to avoid pain and illness when possible. Once it’s already happening, though, they try to accept the fact with indifference.

Separate your mind from the sensation, which I call “cognitive distancing,” by reminding yourself that it is not things, or sensations, that upset us but our judgments about them.

Remember that the fear of pain does more harm than pain itself, or use other forms of functional analysis to weigh up the consequences for you of fearing versus accepting pain.

View bodily sensations objectively (objective representation, or phantasia kataleptike) instead of describing them in emotive terms. (“There’s a feeling of pressure around my forehead” versus “It feels like I’m dying—an el...

Analyze the sensations into their elements and limit them as precisely as possible to their specific site on the body, thereby using the same depreciation by analysis that we used in the previous chapter to neutralize unhealthy desires and cravings. (“There’s a sharp throb...

View the sensation as limited in time, changeable, and transient, or “contemplate impermanence.” (“This sensation only peaks for a few seconds at a time and then fades away; it will probably be gone in a couple of days.”) If you have an acute problem like toothache, you’ll have forgotten what it felt like years from now. If you have a long-term problem such as chronic sciatica, you’ll know it sometimes gets worse and so at...

Let go of your struggle against the sensation and accept it as natural and indifferent, what is called “Stoic acceptance.” That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take practical steps to deal with it, such as using medication to reduce pain, but you must learn...

Remind yourself that Nature has given you both the capacity to exercise courage and the endurance to rise above pain and that we admire these virtues in other people, which we discussed...

Marcus also tells himself to avoid overwhelming his mind by worrying about the future or ruminating about the past. When we focus our attention on the reality of the here and now it becomes easier to conquer. By viewing things objectively, isolating the present moment and dividing it into smaller parts, we can tackle them one at a time, using the method we’ve called depreciation by analysis.

Marcus tells himself that complaining about events is as futile and unhelpful as the kicks and squeals that piglets make as they struggle to free themselves during a ritual sacrifice.35 Struggling against things we can’t control does us more harm than good.

As Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”39 It’s often easier to endure pain if we are confident that it’s doing us no harm or if we’re fixated on some goal. Boxers take punches without complaining to win matches.

“One exaggerates, imagines, anticipates affliction,” wrote Seneca. For a long time, I have told my discouraged patients and have repeated to myself, “Do not let us build a second story to our sorrow by being sorry for our sorrow.”42

Marcus had learned how to suffer properly and thereby to suffer less, as Dubois would have put it.

Fear is essentially a future-focused emotion, so it’s natural that we should counter it by addressing our thoughts concerning the future.

Marcus tells himself that he doesn’t literally need to get away from it all because true inner peace comes from the nature of our thoughts rather than pleasant natural surroundings.

One of the leading researchers on the psychology of worry, Thomas D. Borkovec, carried out a groundbreaking study on “worry postponement.” He asked a group of college students to spot the times during a four-week period when they began to worry about something and to respond by postponing thinking about it any further until a specified “worry time” later in the day. Using this simple technique, the subjects were able to reduce the time spent worrying by almost half, and other symptoms of anxiety were also reduced. Worry postponement is now a central component of most CBT protocols for generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), a psychiatric condition characterized by severe, pathological worrying.

The steps to follow in worry postponement build upon the general framework that should be familiar to you by now: 1. Self-monitoring: Be constantly on the lookout for early warning signs of worry, such as frowning or fidgeting in certain ways—this awareness alone will often derail the habit of worrying. 2. If you are unable to address your anxiety immediately using Stoic techniques, postpone thinking about it until your feelings have abated naturally, returning to the problem at a specified “worry time” of your choosing. 3. Let go of the thoughts without trying to actively suppress them—instead, just tell yourself you’re setting them aside temporarily to come back to them later at a specified time and place. Cognitive distancing techniques can be helpful in this regard. You can also write down a word or two on a piece of paper to remind yourself of the thing you’re worried about, then fold it up and put it in your pocket to address later. 4. Return your attention to the here and now, expanding your awareness through your body and your surroundings, and try to notice small details you’d overlooked before. Worry goes chasing after future catastrophes and therefore requires inattention to the present moment. Become grounded in the here and now instead: “Lose your mind and come to your senses!” 5. Later, when you return to the worry, if it no longer seems important, you might just leave it alone. Otherwise, visualize the worst-case scenario or feared outcome that’s making you ...

Marcus did not have a completely placid disposition by nature—he had to work on overcoming his temper.

The Stoics probably learned the ancient concept of postponing their actions until anger has abated from the Pythagoreans, whose school was nearly seven centuries old by Marcus’s time. They were known for never speaking in anger but withdrawing for a while until their feelings had died down.

In addition to these basic strategies, Marcus also describes a whole repertoire of Stoic cognitive techniques, which focus on addressing the underlying beliefs that cause our anger in the first place. These are different ways of thinking about the situation: alternative perspectives. They could be used at any time. However, it’s difficult to change your point of view while you’re still in the grip of anger. In fact, one of the most common mistakes we make is trying to challenge our angry thoughts when we’re not in the best frame of mind to do so. Instead, use these thinking strategies beforehand, in advance of facing situations that might provoke anger, or after you’ve taken time to regain your composure.

Marcus reminded himself to contemplate some of these ideas first thing in the morning while preparing to encounter difficult people during the day ahead.

1. WE ARE NATURALLY SOCIAL ANIMALS, DESIGNED TO HELP ONE ANOTHER

Stoics think of troublesome people as if they are a prescription from a physician, or a training partner we’ve been assigned by a wrestling coach. We exist for one another, says Marcus, and if we can’t educate those who oppose us, we have to learn at least to tolerate them.

CONSIDER A PERSON’S CHARACTER AS A WHOLE

The idea is that we should broaden our awareness, not only thinking of the person’s actions that offend us but of the other person as a whole, remembering that nobody is perfect.

Indeed, Marcus says that when others hate, blame, or slander you, you should imagine looking into their souls and understanding what kind of people they really are. The more you understand them, the more their hostility toward you will seem misguided and powerless to offend you.

The Stoics believed that vicious people fundamentally lack self-love and are alienated from themselves. We must learn to empathize with them and see them as the victims of misguided beliefs or errors of judgment, not as malicious. Marcus says that you should contemplate how they are blinded by their own mistaken opinions and compelled by them to act as they do—they don’t know any better. If you realize that, it will be easier to ignore their censure, forgive them, and yet oppose their actions when necessary. To understand all is to forgive all, as the saying goes.

NOBODY DOES WRONG WILLINGLY

he says you should view others’ actions in terms of a simple dichotomy: either they are doing what is right or doing what is wrong. If they are doing what is right, then you should accept it and cease to be annoyed with them. Let go of your anger and learn from them. However, if they are doing what is wrong, then you should assume it’s because they don’t know any better.

Marcus therefore says that whenever you believe someone has wronged you, you should first consider what underlying opinions they hold about what’s right and wrong. Once you really understand their thinking, you’ll have no excuse for being surprised at their actions, which should naturally weaken your feelings of anger.

Errors of judgment compel people just as much as illness or insanity, and we learn to make allowances for such people and forgive them on that basis. In the same way, we don’t judge children harshly when they make mistakes because they don’t know better. However, adults still make the same moral errors as children. They don’t want to be ignorant, but they act as such unwittingly and unintentionally.

NOBODY IS PERFECT, YOURSELF INCLUDED

Often all that holds us back from committing one vice is another vice, he says (another idea that goes back at least to Socrates). Many people refrain from crime, for instance, because they’re afraid of being caught, not because they’re virtuous. So even if we do not engage in the same wrongdoing as others, the inclination may still be there. Marcus was willing to hear Cassius out because, despite being emperor, he didn’t consider himself beyond reproach.

There are no gurus in Stoicism. Even the founders of the school—Zeno, Cleanthes, and Chrysippus—don’t claim that they were perfectly wise. They believe we’re all foolish, vicious, and to some extent enslaved to our passions. The ideal Sage is perfect by definition, but he’s a hypothetical ideal, like the notion of a Utopian society. Ironically, the very anger we feel toward those who offend us can itself be seen as evidence of fallibility on our part. Our anger proves that we too are capable of doing the wrong thing under the influence of strong emotions. Remembering that fallibility is the common lot of mankind—including you—can help diminish feelings of anger.

YOU CAN NEVER BE CERTAIN OF OTHER PEOPLE’S MOTIVES

REMEMBER WE ALL WILL DIE

Marcus tells himself to focus on the transience of the events in the grand scheme of things. He suggests contemplating the fact that both he and the person with whom he’s angry will eventually be dead and forgotten. When viewed from this perspective, it doesn’t seem worth getting flustered by people’s behavior. Nothing lasts forever. If events will seem trivial in the future when we look back on them, then why should we care strongly about them now? This doesn’t mean that we should do nothing. Indeed, by remaining calm, we can plan our response better and take action.

IT’S OUR OWN JUDGMENT THAT UPSETS US

When you’re angry, remind yourself that it’s not things or other people that make you angry but your judgments about them.

We don’t control our initial reaction, perhaps, but we do control how we respond to it: it’s not what happens first that matters but what you do next.

As Marcus puts it, if you let go of the opinion “I am harmed,” the feeling of being harmed will disappear, and when the feeling is gone, so is any real harm.

Often, though, just reminding yourself that it’s not events that are making you angry but your judgments about them will be enough to weaken the hold anger has on you.

ANGER DOES US MORE HARM THAN GOOD

The actions of others are external to us and cannot touch our character, but our own anger transforms us into a different sort of person, almost like an animal, and for Stoics that’s the greater harm.

Ironically, anger does the most harm to the person experiencing it, although he has the power to stop it.

Your first priority in most cases should therefore be doing something about your own anger before attempting to do anything about the events that triggered it.

In short, the best form of revenge is not to sink to their level by allowing yourself to become angry with them.19