How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well. Paul M. Davis of Tulsa, Oklahoma, told his class how he applied this principle:

Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay “Self-Reliance” stated: “In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected

thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”

‘The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below

them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”

“Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.

If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing – an increased

tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own – if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career. PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

You deserve very little credit for being what you are and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

woman.” I felt like writing and telling her that although I had made a mistake in geography, she had made a far greater mistake in common courtesy. That was to be just my opening sentence. Then I was going to roll up my sleeves and tell her what I really thought. But I didn’t. I controlled myself. I realized that

any hotheaded fool could do that – and that most fools would do just that.

“Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury;

or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measure, practically a universal practice.” So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice… .

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

people are honest and want to discharge their obligations.

I am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favourably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.”

Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: “The way to get things done,” say Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”

The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.

“I have never found,” said Harvey S. Firestone, founder of the great Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, “that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. I think it was the game itself.”

The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.

That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.

Throw down a challenge.

“We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”

“We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly

any direct criticism.

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons

whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

“Is there anything we can do to handle this order?” “Can anyone think of different ways to process it through the shop that will make it possible to take the order?” “Is there any way to adjust our hours or personnel assignments that would help?”