How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

Executives have been given increased authority, increased pay.

People are frequently astonished at the new results they achieve. It all seems like magic.

The sole purpose of this book is to help you discover, develop and profit by those dormant and unused assets.

Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life.

Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application.

Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

It is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise.

It is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants.

‘What mistakes did I make that time?’

‘What did I do that was right – and in what way could I have improved my performance?’

‘What lessons can I learn from that...

“I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold.

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.

Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.

Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on the job.

“I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”

“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

So, as I have already said, Lincoln put the letter aside, for he had learned by bitter experience that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic.

We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

“To show you I’m sure that you’ll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow:”

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them.

And that is by making the other person want to do it.

the sex urge and the desire to be great.

Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.”

“Everybody likes a compliment.”

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.

People sometimes became invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.

Nobody knows for sure but he did say that many people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality.

If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.

Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people.

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.

“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

“I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.”

‘I can’t think of six things I would like to change about you. I love you the way you are.’

We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.

One is sincere and the other insincere.

“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

“Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.”