How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't

by Lane Moore

I had become a creature who could deny all my physical and emotional needs existed. I don’t even feel them anymore; if I can get through it and not die, I have no other needs. A huge part of this, I think, came from my lack of a capital-letter Family, a lack of having backup. I’ve talked to friends who will say when they’ve been in shitty situations, they’ll call their parents. I truly don’t know anyone with family who doesn’t use them all the time like a fucking credit card with every dollar matched by cash back rewards. When I’ve been in dire circumstances, or had a roommate screw me over on a deposit I was owed or a job that just didn’t pay me because “Laws? what laws,” it was “You’re on your own, kid.” There was no “Oh, I’ll call this person for help or advice.” There was only a voice in my head saying, “Fucking figure it out on your own and stop whining. It’s not that bad.”