The more he was able to provide better love and caretaking than I’d had in my childhood, the more frightened I became, and the more he subtly put me down and the less he understood why I was scared, the more I thought, “Ah yes, I need more than this. And I know how to operate in a place where I need so much more than I am getting.” So we settled into a place where he came and went, and I waited on the front steps for him to come back again, desperate to do more for him, care more for him, whatever it took to get him to stay.
Recreating unhealed patterns from childhood
