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And that’s how, in a surprisingly low-key kind of way, the devil appeared in my life.
“Man, that’s diabolical.” “I appreciate your admiration, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal.
When human beings invented the mobile phone, they also invented the anxiety that comes with not having one on you.
Devil’s Throat sits at the top of the largest waterfall in the world. Water rushed over the edge with an unimaginable force. The magnificence and scale of that place gave me a sense of the sheer violence nature is capable of. Then I noticed that my girlfriend was crying next to me, but I couldn’t hear her. No matter how loudly she sobbed, her voice was drowned out by the deafening sound of the falls.
As we sat there in silence for twenty-six hours, I think we both knew that this was the end of us. Our relationship was over. How strange it was that we had both felt like we were meant to be together, and yet both of us could see that the end was clearly coming.
I guess it’s the same with life. We all know it has to end someday, but even so, we act as if we’re going to live forever. Like love, life is beautiful because it must come to an end.
It’s the future you’ll never get to see that you really regret missing most of all when you die. I realize it’s strange to use the word “regret” about things that haven’t happened yet, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking, If only I could live longer, I could do this or that. It’s a weird train of thought, because the list of things that I wanted to do was made up of things that didn’t really matter in the end.
I suppose you could say that my life is like that photograph. A movie that shows my whole life would include both comedy and tragedy. All the joy, anger, and sorrow I’ve been through, the result of which would be nothing more than a blank screen. There’s nothing there, nothing left. Only an empty space.
If my life were a movie, I’d want it to be memorable in some way, no matter how modest the production was. I’d hope it would mean something to someone, somehow. That it would give them a boost and spur them on. After the credits, life does go on. My hope is that my life will go on to live in the memories of others who’ve witnessed my story.
With freedom comes uncertainty, insecurity, and anxiety. Human beings exchanged their freedom for the sense of security that comes from living by set rules and routines—despite knowing that they pay the cost of these rules and regulations with their freedom.
In a world without clocks, I could really take my time to think about things in a deep way. It seemed to me that there were all kinds of rules made up by human beings, rules that begin to fall apart when you examine them closely.
“Do you know what love is?” “No, sir, what’s that?” “Well, I guess a cat wouldn’t understand. It’s something humans have. It’s when you really like someone and they’re extremely important to you, and it makes you feel like you want to be with them all the time.” “Is it a good thing?” he asked. “Yeah. Though I guess it can also be a bit of a pain sometimes, too, and you can also start to feel like the other person is a burden. But all in all it’s a good thing.”
And love, this magical thing that’s unique to human beings and can sometimes make us absolutely miserable, is also the thing that buoys the human spirit.
But he didn’t stop; instead the devil revealed his plan. “This time, let’s make cats disappear from the world.”
Touching the collar overwhelmed me with such a tangible fear of the horrors of death that I burst into tears and cried uncontrollably.
Mom, I don’t want to die! I’m afraid! But you’re right. I can’t go on stealing things from the world in order to go on living.
“It’s terribly simple,” he continued in that haughty tone of voice. “All you need to do is make cats disappear.” “No, Cabbage, I can’t do that!” “I’d be flattered if you continued to live, sir. I could never be happy in a world deprived of your existence.” I never imagined a day would come when I’d be moved to tears by the words of a cat. But
“Yeah, but just being alive doesn’t mean all that much on its own. How you live is more important.”
“Yeah, me, too. You were a really interesting guy … for a human.” “I can return the compliment! You were a really funny devil!” “Ah, you’re making me blush!”
there’s a certain beauty in those regrets. They’re proof of having lived.
