A Wish For Us

by Tillie Cole

I kissed her nose, just because I could and it was there.

Because Bonnie Farraday was perfect.

My favorite color ripped from my life. Bonnie taken away before she could leave her fingerprint on the window of the world.

When she was back, she’d hear it. I needed her to hear it. I just needed her, full stop.

My hands trailed down his cheek, only for him to catch my fingers and kiss them again. Like he was worshipping me. Like he was thanking me. For what, I didn’t know. But I wanted him to feel so cherished too.

We hadn’t been together long, but when your time is finite, love is felt stronger, faster, deeper.

“I’m falling in love with you, Cromwell Dean. So very deeply in love.”

“How can a heart be so damaged, yet feel so impossibly full? How can a heart be failing when it’s filled with so much life?”

She killed me then. Killed me with one simple smile.

When I woke, it was with Bonnie in my arms . . . exactly where she was forever meant to be.

“To be forever in love . . . and to be forever loved.” I gave a watery smile. “That is now my dream.”

And I knew one thing above everything else: that I loved him. I was convinced I could have forgotten everything about him but that. That I loved him with all my heart.

“Where else would I be?” He gave me a flicker of a smile. “I’ve decided that from this day on I go wherever you go.”

He was my violet blue. My favorite-ever note.

I believed that when someone was so imbedded in your heart, your soul, they never truly left.

I had made many wishes in my life, but Cromwell had been the wish that I never made. The granted wish that, in the end, was the one I cherished most.

“You . . . Cromwell . . . there’s not a part of us that I regret. Not the beginning . . . not the middle . . . and certainly not the end . . .”

I fell asleep like that, waking in his arms too. And I decided it was how I wanted to say goodbye, how I wanted it to be when the day finally came. Because it was perfect. He was perfect. Like this, life was perfect. And it was how heaven would finally greet me.

I didn’t know what my life looked like without her, now that she was in it.

“How can my heart be fixed, but already be broken?”

I moved beside her and held her close. Just holding her while she fell apart. It was such a small thing, but in that moment, I’d never felt more useful to anyone in my life.

She’d see that I loved her. She’d see she had a life to live for. With me. Beside me. Forever.

I refuse to say goodbye to you, Bonnie. I want to leave it this way. With me at our favorite place, knowing that I’ll see you again soon. After you’ve lived for us both. Lived a life I never could.

I know you’ll mourn me, and if you survive, I’ll miss you every day until I see you again. Because I will see you again, Bonnie. Look up, and I’ll always be there with you. But I have to go now. Keep strong, sis. Live a life that you love.

“I love you, Bonnie. You’ve changed my life,”

My dad had been special too. He’d loved me so much. I wished I’d told him how much I’d loved him when he’d been here.

waited for the boy I loved with both my old and new hearts more than anything in this world.

I cried. Chest wracking with my love for Cromwell Dean, the boy I met on the beach in Brighton. The boy I loved with my entire soul. The boy who had created a symphony just for me.

“And as long as there’s you, and there’s music, I know it will be a life lived, no matter how long or short.” “Long,” Cromwell said, his voice husky. “You’ll live a long life. Easton’s heart will remain strong.”

Cromwell lowered his head and kissed the spot where my new heart lay. It fluttered like a butterfly’s wings.

He was, and forever would be, the beat in my heart. Put simply, he was my entire world. A world in which I intended to stay. I vowed to make it. To never let my heart give up. Because I wanted a life with this boy. I wanted to love and live and laugh. I was determined. And my beating heart echoed that wish.

And I had my Bonnie. My girl who still inspired the music that came from my heart. The girl who was always by my side. The girl who was the bravest person I knew. The most beautiful. The most perfect. And the girl, that with one single smile, still completely illuminated my world.