The Coordinates of Loss

by Amanda Prowse

For now, I feel nothing. For I loved you. I loved you. I will always love you. And now I live for eternity in deep, blue grief.

Funny, isn’t it, how we think our opinions, our expressions of distaste or approval, are so important? Until something truly big happens in your life and you look back at everything that has gone before and see it for what it is: insignificant.

‘But that’s just it, Dad; when a wife loses her husband she’s a widow, but I’ve lost my boy, I’m not a widow, so am I still a mum? What’s the word for someone like me?’

‘These people who love you and whom you love, these people who share your blood and live in your heart; it is with them that you will learn how to move forward. They are the keeper of your stories and the custodian of your memories.’

‘I don’t think there is a person on the planet who hasn’t lost someone and felt guilt or remorse over one small word, one insignificant incident or one missed opportunity.

I remember my mom saying he ‘planned for the worst, expected the least and anything over and above that was considered a blessing.’