Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection

by Haemin Sunim

Don’t let your difficult past define who you are today. If you do, you will live your whole life as a victim of the past. There is life force within you waiting to shoot out of the ground of the past. Please trust that force of renewal. Bow respectfully to your past and proclaim, “From now on, I have decided to be a little happier!”

If we examine what motivates us, we see that even as adults we want recognition from other people, and that so much of what we do comes from that desire to be recognized. Shower your child with attention, and make her feel secure in your love. This way she won’t grow up starved for other people’s acknowledgment.

Just as a mother looks at her child with love, look at your own suffering with compassion. You will soon feel that you are not alone. There is a soft inner core of love and caring at the heart of every suffering. You are not thrown into this world alone.

Reparenting didn't need to wait for us to have a child. We could start it now, with ourselves.

The greatest gift that parents can give their child is to be happy themselves. If the parents are happy, then the child can grow up into a happy and confident adult. But if the parents are not happy, then the child can feel worthless— unable to make his parents happy no matter what.

Do not think of yourself as a crescent moon, waiting for someone else to fill in the missing part of you. When you stand alone like a full moon, already complete in yourself, you will meet another person who is whole and complete just like you, and between you two, a healthy relationship can grow. Do not try to fit yourselves to each other to make one whole moon. Instead, be more like two full moons. You’ll respect each other’s individuality and interests while creating a relationship in which each of you shines brightly on the other.

disappointment is very tricky to express: It comes out as petty and small-minded, whereas if I keep it bottled up, it only gets worse.

Who is an unfortunate person? One who looks at other people and sees only their flaws.

But failure is bound to happen again and again throughout our lives.

Say “So what?” to the part of yourself that feels nervous and inferior. “I’m a bit nervous about the exam. So what?” “I’m shorter and heavier than the others. So what?” “I don’t have much money in the bank. So what?” Once you have acknowledged your insecurities like this, you will find the courage within to overcome them. If you try to conceal the inferior part of yourself while feeling ashamed of it, it will continue to be a problem. No one really cares about it if you are comfortable with it.

The true nature of our mind is like the sky. Our thoughts are like clouds, our emotions like lightning, and the sky accepts them all equally, watching as they shift and move across it. The weather of thoughts and emotions rises and passes away, but the sky remains the same—clear, luminous, open.

Your body is older, but your mind may not feel that way. It is because the mind knows no age. It exists in the eternal now.

“Even if someone I helped in the past, or I expected greatness from, causes me grave harm, may I consider him my greatest teacher.” —HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA

One of our deepest fears is that when we show ourselves as we are, we will be rejected. We find it hard to open the door of our heart even to our closest friends. Because we carry that burden alone, it can’t help but weigh us down. When someone opens the door to their heart and shows themselves as they are, do not judge them; warmly accept them. None of us is perfect.