All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

by Jennifer Senior

The idea that children give us structure, purpose, and stronger bonds to the world around us doesn’t always show up in social science data. But it can, if you use the right set of instruments. Robin Simon, for instance, has found that parents who have custody of their children are less depressed than those who don’t. That’s a big departure from most other parenting-and-happiness studies, which suggest that single mothers (who more frequently have custody of their kids) are less happy than single fathers. But there’s a difference between Simon’s study and others: she was measuring depression, and depression surveys often ask questions about overall meaning and purpose as well as questions about day-to-day mood. They ask whether participants have had trouble getting going that week, for instance, or whether they have felt like failures, or whether they feel hopeful about the future. And it seems perfectly reasonable to assume that someone with children under his or her roof, as opposed to someone whose children were taken away, would answer these questions with more optimism. The former have reasons to get up in the morning, reasons to feel like they have made something of their lives, reasons to be connected to the future.