More Happy Than Not

by Adam Silvera

he’s torn between his girlfriend and best friend. There’s no doubt Superman would save Lois Lane, but I wonder if Batman would save Robin over his girlfriend of the week.

I fake-smile because everyone wants happiness for me as much as I want it for myself.

“I always quit things I’m tired of dealing with,” Thomas says. “Always will.”

I like waking up from nightmares. Sure, the nightmare itself is a mind fuck, but knowing I’m okay? That’s what I like. The nightmare I’ve just woken up from started off as a dream.

“Everyone plays a purpose, even fathers who lie to you or leave you behind. Time takes care of all that pain so if someone derails you, it’ll be okay eventually.

anti–role models are just as enlightening.

She doesn’t really understand Want versus Need like we do at home; just because you can afford something doesn’t mean you have to have it.

When your life sucks, your story sucks.” “Sometimes your story is worth reading about because your life sucks,” I say. “And I don’t think your life sucks.”

Some dudes make their mind a prison. I like living outside of bars.

I’ve always wanted to be the best friend in a superhero movie who keeps the superhero’s secret,”

I look up and the sky isn’t bleeding. I hear cars honking and drunk people shouting. Birds are still flying and stars are coming out of hiding, like me. Kids my age are having their first kisses right now or even taking it a step further. Everything, life, is continuing. “You don’t care?”

It sucks how a word that’s supposed to mean happiness can somehow feel warped.

if this Leteo Institute weren’t bullshit and I could get a free procedure, I would definitely have my memory of ever reading this series buried so I could relive these books again for the first time.

Memories: some can be sucker punching, others carry you forward; some stay with you forever, others you forget on your own. You can’t really know which ones you’ll survive if you don’t stay on the battlefield, bad times shooting at you like bullets. But if you’re lucky, you’ll have plenty of good times to shield you.

The boy with no direction taught me something unforgettable: happiness comes again if you let it.

Sometimes pain is so unmanageable that the idea of spending another day with it seems impossible. Other times pain acts as a compass to help you get through the messier tunnels of growing up. But the pain can only help you find happiness if you can remember it.

It’s okay how some stories leave off without an ending. Life doesn’t always deliver the one you would expect.

And while I wait, happiness exists where I can get it. In these notebooks, where worlds of memories greet me, almost like a childhood friend who moved away for years and finally came back home. I’m more happy than not. Don’t forget me.