Holding Up the Universe

by Jennifer Niven

As long as you live, there’s always something waiting; and even if it’s bad, and you know it’s bad, what can you do? You can’t stop living. (Truman Capote, In Cold Blood)

Every book I read and movie I watch seems to give out the same message: high school is the worst experience you can ever have.

its truth tho

The waters are treacherous. And also fickle. This is the first thing I learned about high school. One minute you’re well liked, the next minute you’re an outcast.

^^

He will never like you no matter what you do, no matter how thin you are, no matter how nice you try to be to him.

“People are shitty for a lot of reasons. Sometimes they’re just shitty people. Sometimes people have been shitty to them and, even though they don’t realize it, they take that shitty upbringing and go out into the world and treat others the same way. Sometimes they’re shitty because they’re afraid. Sometimes they choose to be shitty to others before others can be shitty to them. So it’s like self-defensive shittiness.”

“Better to be the hunter than the hunted. Even if you’re hunting yourself.”

My mom used to say sometimes it’s actually about the other person and you just happen to be there. Like sometimes the other person needs to learn a lesson or go through an experience, good or bad, and you’re just an accessory in some way, like a supporting actor in whatever their scene happens to be.

You think no one understands and you’re alone, and that makes you angrier, and Why don’t they see it? Why doesn’t someone say, ‘Hey, you seem burdened by the world. Let me take that burden for a while so you don’t have to carry it around all the time.’ But it’s on you to speak up.”

Dang.

“So what makes you angry?” “Stupid people. Fake people. Mean people. My thighs. You. Death. Gym class.

REAL + SCHOOL

We never know how long we have. We’re never guaranteed tomorrow. I could die right now, right here. It could be over in an instant.

It’s okay to be a person. We’re all afraid. We all get hurt. It’s okay to hurt. You’d be so much more likable if you just acted human.

I’ll be fulfilling one of my worst nightmares: parading around in front of my classmates, wearing the world’s smallest, most unflattering piece of clothing.

Life is too short to judge others. It is not our job to tell someone what they feel or who they are. Why not spend some time on yourself instead? I

The pain of it feels good, and I like that contact of fist and bone. I hit it again and again. It’s a way to feel something without standing behind this invisible electric fence that divides me from everyone else.