I admit that, aside from those basic desires, I also longed for something to believe in. That was greedy. My mistake. I had not learned that the search for belief is very likely the most violent known to man, not infrequently ending in death or derangement, but I did learn and I now know. The search has not yet killed me, though I am a bit deranged—and that may be the best that I have been in all these years.
