Healing requires you to pivot from condemning your lack of willpower to addressing the role trauma may be playing in your unwanted sexual behavior. A heart with an ounce of kindness for your life story will accomplish so much more for you than a mind filled to the brim with strategies to combat lust. Bessel van der Kolk said, “Very few psychological problems are the result of defects in understanding.”[3] We tend to focus on the apparent defects because it gives us something to blame, something to control. But what happens when we have nothing left to blame and no “silver bullet” to pursue? We
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