Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

by Jay Stringer

In my research, 63 percent of the respondents wanted more of their fathers’ involvement, and 39 percent wanted more of their mothers’ involvement. Examples of disengagement are parents’ workaholism, choosing to avoid necessary conversations related to themes every child needs to learn about (self-care, nutrition, sex), or choosing to ignore attunement (being aware and receptive) with children when they are experiencing anxiety, sorrow, or anger. When this happens, children grow up with a profound sense that they are not prepared for the world they are encountering and roam through life never fully knowing they are loved and delighted in. These children learn that life is not found within a family but outside one. In adulthood, this belief remains operative. The adults may be in marriages or committed relationships, but they can never trust them to offer what their hearts so desperately desire. Children who have known disengagement may have some experiences of connection with their parents, but only if they are making good grades,