Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger

by Soraya Chemaly

common feedback loops that women live with involves anger caused by discrimination that, if denied, intensifies, increasing stress and its effects.

Like when, in one week I received a mansplaining lecture from 4 men on a topic I was well-educated about but not welcome to speak on. When venting to the men in my life, they all denied it, just because I know decent men who don't, and at east one insufferable woman who does. (Insuffrable. why is ny standard different for her? I almost expect men to mansplain, leading to frustrationand disappointment, rather than distain Which raltes to the idea, "we don't hate rapists enough," we dont condemn mansplainers enough. -NYTimes Article). I need the men in my life to recognize that a majority doesn't have to be 100% of population. I feel frustrated annd unsupported when Alex does this.

women report feeling anger more frequently, more intensely, and for longer periods of time than men do.

Additionally, men more frequently associate feeling powerful with experiencing anger, but women, notably, associate powerlessness with their anger.

unfeminine, unattractive, and selfish.

This is true even for those of us who have to use anger to defend ourselves in charged and dangerous situations.

of being told we are “crazy,” “irrational,” even “demonic.” If we are worried, and, as studies show, compelled to repackage, ignore, divert, or trivialize our anger, it is because we well understand the costs of displaying it.

Is this a fear for women in abusive relationships? Is this why women stay in toxic and abusive relationships? Prominent men in my life don't understand why women stay when they know it is bad. We are taught to doubt our feelings, though. Taught to forgive and move on without expressing the wrong.

anger is far more likely to be power enhancing.

My anger on the phone with AT&T vs dad's more effective anger. He always gets them to honor his requests. I am, instead, condescended to.

Women’s anticipation of negative responses is why so many women remain silent

Why I have trouble & dread reading books like these. I am afraid of even disagreeing.

we are allowed to be angry but not on our own behalves. If a woman is angry in her “place,” as a mother or a teacher, for example, she is respected, and her anger is generally understood and acceptable.

Momma bear

the men around us at home, school, and work often actively deny our experiences or can be ignorant of the constant calculus we make when it comes to expressing ourselves. If men knew how truly angry the women around them often are—and understood the structures enforcing women’s silence—they would be staggered.

My SO.