Lessons From Lucy: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog

by Dave Barry

This patio was surrounded by a screen enclosure, which is necessary in South Florida to prevent the mosquitos from making off with your patio furniture.

She also sheds a lot. She’s like a low-lying cloud that is constantly drizzling little black hairs.

When I meet new people, I’m going to make a conscious effort not to hide behind my humor barrier, nor use my age as an excuse to be a recluse. I’m going to think about Lucy—about the trustful, open, unreservedly joyful way she approaches everybody, and the happiness she clearly derives from her many friends.

Yes, I am aware that Social Security is basically a giant Ponzi scheme, and that we baby boomers, as we retire in vast numbers and start collecting from the system, will be imposing an enormous, unfair and potentially ruinous financial burden on younger generations. I view this as payback for what the younger generations have done to music.

The truth is that the fun has been slowly draining out of your life for most of your life.

Don’t Stop Having Fun. (And If You Have Stopped, Start Having Fun Again.)

generating humor for a living—although it can be interesting and challenging—isn’t fun. You never, after working on a joke for forty-five minutes, find yourself thinking, Ha ha! I am cracking my own self up with this humor!

Lucy also hates the Goodyear blimp, which occasionally flies over our house. Apparently back in prehistoric times a primitive blimp did something horrible to Lucy’s ancestors, and she has not forgotten or forgiven. When the Goodyear blimp appears, she barks furiously at it until it goes away, which it always does, because, for all its size and fame, it is a coward.

I am not a fan of scallops. Scallops, along with clams, oysters and mussels, belong to a biological class of organisms known, technically, as Phlegms of the Sea. My feeling is, Mother Nature puts these repulsive slimy things inside shells on the ocean floor specifically to prevent us from eating them.